"Why is that misanthropic?", you may ask. Well, I dreamed that it would be on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan on a plot of at least 40-acres of woodland. I would be snowed-in from November to September and would only see people when the fire department came out to supervise my controlled burns of jack-pine or mixed-oak savanna. I would do all kinds of nutty things involving rain barrels, geo-thermal heating, and home-canned food.
When the idea of marriage came into the picture a little further along, my idea of dream house changed from a shingle-sided cabin on dirt road to a place another person might actually want to live. I had an idea of a little bungalow on a more modestly-sized piece of land. It would still have room for fruit trees, a vegetable garden, an herb patch, and lots of dog-running space. And, of course, a compost pile (yes, I actually ache when I have to toss onions skins and potato peelings into the the trash shoot of the apartment building).
Sara at A Little of That Too recently did a post on the intercultural dream house, so I thought I would, too. (And no, this post is not insinuating that I somehow deserve the house of my dreams or that I expect to get it--only what my ideal would be). When you are married to someone from a culture where in-laws have a very different role in your life than what you ever expected, even if you are lucky and your in-laws like and accept you, your idea of your dream house changes in some fundamental ways. Sara's idea of a dream house was a little different than mine as is was intended for year-round multi-generational living. For me, my new idea of a dream house means striking a balance between my own need for privacy and work space (and gardening space--oh do I ever need gardening space) and my husband's need for work space for his creative projects, room for kids and dogs, and yes, room for MIL to come and visit.
Both Mr. 4B and I suffer from a certain amount of claustrophobia, so our dream house would have a big kitchen--or at least a kitchen big enough for more than two people to be in at a time and big enough to store our spices.
Our dream house would have a basement that was big enough and nice enough to renovate into a suite (bedroom, bathroom, sitting room with TV, maybe a small area for early morning tea-making) where my MIL could stay when she came to visit. That way, she could have her own space and independence during her long visits.
I know by now that nothing will ever make my MIL like or accept me for who I am. My goal for the future is to make sure my future interactions with her are less stressful and less dramatic. Ideally, creating a space for her on her visits would ease some of the tension.
So, my idea of our dream house would have three bedrooms, an attic or other unused area that could be converted into two little offices, a big kitchen, and a basement that could be made into a friendly, welcoming space for our visitors. The yard would be blooming from March through November and providing us with plenty of fresh, sun-ripened fruits and veggies, and yes, I would never have to throw those peels into a trash can again.
So, those are my dreams for a perfect home. What are yours? If you are an NRI, has your idea of a dream house changed since you moved to the US? For those of you who are planning on having your in-laws live with you long-term, how has your idea of a perfect home changed over the years?
So, what is your idea of a dream house?
Love it! I have big ideas for my dream house (I actually picked one out already that is in my city) so I will need to post something similar.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny to hear people talk about basements. We don't have those things in California. No matter how much HGTV I watch, I always think of basements as dirty, musty smelling, creepy places. I think of them being like the basement in the movie Home Alone. Although, my parents lived in Utah a few years ago and had a basement that was actually very nice.
lol @kayla! Even though on the East coast nearly every house has a basement, and I even spent 7 years living in a decent one, basements still = creepy to me too!
ReplyDeleteNew Englanders tend to call their basement cellars though….
And we also call liquor stores packies…. hoagie subs are called grindahs (ok, technically grinder, but we don't use our R's) and water fountains are called bubblahs. LOL. I know…totally not related to BBBB's post…ooops!
I don't know about dream house, but we have always had to factor in IL visits, especially seniors, when we have looked at apartments/villas (in Dubai a villa means what we would call a duplex or four-plex in the US). Multiple showers, ways for ILs to avoid stairs, etc come into consideration.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a non-basement home on the east-coast! I know people who had newer, suburban homes with converted basements that were beautiful, I don't want to live in the suburbs however. I want a big, city home in Philadelphia. Probably in Mt. Airy which I just found out was the most diverse (by choice) neighborhood in the US in terms of race, religion, class and lifestyle preference. I would love my little halfie-kid to be around other halfie-kids.
ReplyDeleteAlmost all midwestern houses (yes, including those in big cities) and building have basements. I figure that there are three reasons for that: 1) tornadoes 2) soft, loamy soil and 3) ground that freezes in winter (having your floor near the ground means cold, cold, cold, feet--basement provides a buffer) If you live in the trailer park, you have to scramble over to the tornado shelter every time the siren goes off.
ReplyDeleteTwo posts in one day, lucky us!
ReplyDeleteYour first description sounds so lovely. I adore the little cottage and the thought of doing things entirely from scratch has always appealed to me on a deep level.
We bought our house in 2009, and a big part of what we were looking for was room for kids, and room for my MIL to live with us and have her own space. It's not ideal (I'd love a place with an in-law suite that has its own kitchenette), but it is pretty close. It's 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. The kitchen is a good size, and the upper story has a modern, open floor plan. Downstairs, there is a nice bathroom with a walk-in shower (might come in handy if MIL becomes less mobile, if we're still living here at that time). She's got her own nice bedroom, and there is also the den/TV room downstairs where she can hang out and watch TV or have her own sitting area if she likes. Her room is far enough away from our room that we can't hear each other (which is great privacy-wise). We live in a safe neighborhood that's great for walking, and there is an Indian grocery store just around the corner in walking distance from our house. I think she was pretty happy and comfortable here for the 5 months that she stayed from September to February, and she seems pretty enthusiastic about her upcoming green card and plans to come here permanently once she's got that.
ReplyDeleteI think this place will probably feel a bit crowded once we have more than one kid (fingers crossed that we will), but for right now it's perfect.
I feel like I should be jealous that everyone else rushes to make posts about dream houses after YOUR post, rather than after MINE...but oh well, I guess I'll live...somehow...
ReplyDeleteI'll have to check -- I think I may have updated my dream design since my post. I'm currently stuck on a circular, compound-like design -- garage as the "front wall," with the one-story IL house sprouting from the back of the garage to form one side wall, the two-story main house across from the IL house and joined to the side of the garage, then a big enclosed porch as the "back wall" to connect the two kitchens. It would allow for a courtyard-style yard, safe to let children and animals into at any time, and would further increase the interdependence of the homes (I imagine the porch as the favored morning tea/coffee/hot chocolate spot).
I don't have much in the way of concrete ideas for a dream hosue, just general feelings mostly. I'm not exactly what you'd call an architecht.
ReplyDeleteI just want enough space to breath but not so much space that the house swallows me whole. I'd love to have a house standing on its own bit of land. Not a lot, just enough so that other houses weren't pressing in on me.
The only concrete ideas I have is that I want a brick barbecue like we used to have when I was little and a power shower in a proper shower cubicle.
I don't want much in the way of luxury. But to be honest, even the house valuation on something utterly devoid of luxury is probably beyond my means at the moment.
I think I did a post on that a little while back, I know having a big garden (ok even a small garden) is though to get in any cities in India, my dream house should have a wrap around porch, 2-3 storeys, a HUGE open plan kitchen, a big master bedroom with a walk in closet and a big bathroom with a bathtub (I miss these here), there should be a big enough guest bedroom for my MIL to stay in where she can make her own mess and leave my stuff alone. If we can have a garden too, I want to have a pond, filled with "grey water" in order not to waste fresh water and it should have a small water fall featurre to create a peacful sound, plenty of plants around, and oh yes our dream home should have a study where we could put all our books like in one of those old style home libraries with shelves all the way to the ceilling and a comfy sofa :)
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